WHERE IS THE BUTTERBALL

Sir, if you would just put down the gun, I would be more than happy to assist y-

WHERE IS THE BUTTERBALL

Here! Here's your goddamn turkey! Just take it and go!

WHERE IS THE CRANBERRY SAUCE

4:34:57
4:34:58
4:34:59
4:35:00

HEALTHCARE REFORM?!? NOT IN MY AMERICA

4:11:57
4:11:58
4:11:59
4:12:00

i need you to hack into north korea's mainframe and deexecute the microkernals

i can't! they're barricading all captcha frequencies and retorrenting all foreign hexateredo bandwidth to a distubed cpu!

DAMN IT

wait... maybe if i disconfigure our ip ram, rechannel the arpanet bitrate and make my twitter avatar green...

yes! i've managed to retrieve a .csv with all their missile launch codes from their server!

great work chloe. upload it to my etchasketch

4:03:57
4:03:58
4:03:59
4:04:00

yeah so now im evil again or w/e

gosh dang it not again!!! grrr

WHAT IS YR INVOLVEMENT

weve infiltrated the white house

we're releasing the torture memos... all of them...

noooo.... nooooooo......

dont worry ur still my bro. ill black out yr name and make sure u dont get prosectued. we still cool?

:-)

1:10:57
1:10:58
1:10:59
1:11:00

yo dog i got a new plotline. u in?

shh theyre about to announce the winner of the best dead joker award

dog we got like 15 more episodes to do, lets go

cesar romero??? this is fucking bullshit

12:57:57
12:57:58
12:57:59
12:58:00

hey david sorry to bug you and everything but i need another presidential pardon or whatever

this terrorist dude says hes gonna wreck some shit up and this other guy wont talk til he gets immunity

hella lame i know but what can you do

why do you keep calling me david?

12:21:57
12:21:58
12:21:59
12:22:00

here are those torture authorizations you requested

11:58:57
11:58:58
11:58:59
11:59:00

ive managed to infiltrate the republican party at the highest levels

operation: pitbull is a go :-D

excellent work yuliya

wait hang on a second are you using a secure frequency

im using yahoo messenger via wi-fi

god damn it

3:41:57
3:41:58
3:41:59
3:42:00

we're getting a text message from the obama campaign

patch it through

hey this is joe biden

aw fuck

just wanted to let you know torture is illegal and im gonna be all over your ass if i find you torturin' when im vp

txt u l8r qt ;)

3:26:57
3:26:58
3:26:59
3:27:00

obama ain't got shit on me

oh shut up

homeboy gives a good speech

but can he lead the nation through infinite crises... yeah thats what i thought

you ain't done shit neither dogg

you just ring me up and go "yo jack kill these suckas"

hang on im getting another 3 am phone call

2:59:57
2:59:58
2:59:59
3:00:00

hey guy.... notice anything diffrent about me

uhhh

ya thats rite.....i grew a strike solidarity beard

surely this will stem the tide of the writers strike

or whatev

i dont think thats how this works

10:09:57
10:09:58
10:09:59
10:10:00

dog i thought you was dead

yeah well obviously i aint now am i

you better have a good explanation for this

well uh

the writers forgot to write one before they went on strike

~

9:20:57
9:20:58
9:20:59
9:21:00

sup

nm u

hey remeber that one time 2 yrs ago when i died

yah lol

lol~

brb

k

9:17:57
9:17:58
9:17:59
9:18:00

attention everybody

jack bauer has gone rogue

again? *yawns*

dont worry im coming to save you derek

my name is josh

yeah whatever

8:44:57
8:44:58
8:44:59
8:45:00

ummmmm

little help here/???

8:31:57
8:31:58
8:31:59
8:32:00

what up doggie

hey, uh

kinda busy at the moment

im calling you from my new iphone, its pretty neat

the fuck is an iphone?

its the hot new cell phone from apple computer

its got internet connectivity ipod functionality and the screen doubles as george forman grill

hey that does sound kinda neat

gotta go, batteries dyin

8:23:57
8:23:58
8:23:59
8:24:00

why didn’t you do more to put habib marwan and turkish crimson jihad out of business when you were president

OK, let’s just go through that.

do you think you did enough, sir?

No, because I didn’t get him.

right

But at least I tried. That’s the difference in me and some, including all the right-wingers who are attacking me now. They ridiculed me for trying. They had eighteen months to try. They did not try. I tried.

So I tried and failed. When I failed, I left a comprehensive anti-terror strategy and the best counter-terrorist agency in the country.

mr. president thank you for one of the more unusual interviews

Fuck off.

7:59:57
7:59:58
7:59:59
8:00:00

good news man it turns out your wife isnt dead after all

really???

nah just messin wit ya :P

imma bop u so hard ur head explode

7:31:57
7:31:58
7:31:59
7:32:00

*~hey dude~*

'lo.

so... uh...

how is being dead

.....

you just have no tact, do you?

7:13:57
7:13:58
7:13:59
7:14:00

sop baby~

WTF

GHOST DAD

oOoOOOOOooooOOOOooooOOOooooo

aaaaaaaaaaaa

j/k ive been alive 4 the past year :P

0_0

6:59:57
6:59:58
6:59:59
7:00:00

hello

yes what is it

is ur refridgerater running

i don't have a refrigerator

........oh

......

*awkwardly hangs up phone*

6:50:57
6:50:58
6:50:59
6:51:00

listen man i just talked to the network

i got some bad news

....

somebody's made a huge mistake

6:27:57
6:27:58
6:27:59
6:28:00

hello?

Yo, what up dawg! Have you thought about getting a career in the Marines?? It's hella sweet, bro!

what

6:18:57
6:18:58
6:18:59
6:19:00

sup

sup

ur needed in the field

k

plz dont die

i <3 u

i <3 u 2

sup

o fuk

5:59:57
5:59:58
5:59:59
6:00:00

WHAT IS YOUR PRIMARY OBJECTIVE

Hey, we're headliners baby. We played every fair in this part of the country. I mean, for top dollar, too!

OPEN ANOTHER SOCKET NOW

Jethuth Chrith hole your hortheth

5:35:57
5:35:58
5:35:59
5:36:00

A green dress, why do you ask?

......... no reason.

5:12:57
5:12:58
5:12:59
5:13:00

ffffff

look what is this even about

is your refridgerator running LOOKS LIKE YOU'D BETETR GO CATCH IT

wait i think i messed up

4:52:57
4:52:58
4:52:59
4:53:00

i <3 u

i <3 u more

no i do

no i do

OMFG A NUCLEAR BOMB WAS JUST DETONATED IN LOS ANGELES ON YOUR WATCH AND 1000's OF PPL ARE DEAD

4:34:57
4:34:58
4:34:59
4:35:00

TELL ME WHERE THE BOMB IS!!!!

up ur butt lol

>:O

4:09:57
4:09:58
4:09:59
4:10:00

OH NO I HAVE THE VIRUS

plz stay calm we are working on an antedote ok

perhaps if we continue making dull sub-plots for you, we can bore the virus out

Mr. President, I've just recieved word that your girlfriend may have committed perjury, a reporter may go forward with an allegation that your son might have been involved in a coverup seven years ago, the head of the NSA is plotting against you, you might be dealing with faulty intelligence, your ex-wife is not trustworthy, your biggest contributor is threatening to stop legislation, and you are no longer the president because the cabinet has invoked the 26^th Amendment.

hooray it worked

3:44:57
3:44:58
3:44:59
3:45:00

WHERE IS THE VIRUS!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm not telling you lol ;-)

listen buddy either u tell me where the virus is or else i'm going 2 harm ur daughter >:-(

ok i will tell u

k

the virus is inside the president

OH SHI

3:37:57
3:37:58
3:37:59
3:38:00

sup jack u want sum of this

k

JACK PLEASE TRY TO PAY ATTENTION HERE

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way - in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.

KIM WHATS UP WITH UR DAD

sup jack remember me

JAAAAAAAAAAAACKKKKKKKK JJAAAAAAAACCCKKCKCKKC JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKK JAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK

Oh, Jack! I'm not really dead - I was just playing around! Come here, you!

4:20:19
99:72:63
17:61:02
56:22:41

(FRIDAY THE 13th)

i can help u get the virus ok

k

lemme c ur phone k?

k here

10 PRINT: "HACK"
TARGET: "CTU"
20 PRINT: "LOL"
LPRINT SAVE AS

WTF

i just hacked ctu lol

HURR WTF COMPTUERS R HARD :-(

2:10:57
2:10:58
2:10:59
2:11:00

hi

wtf u killed my wife >:o

o sry

its ok those things happen

k :)

11:43:57
11:43:58
11:43:59
11:44:00

sup

nm u

hey remeber that one time 3 yrs ago when i got infected w/ that disease

yah lol

lol~

brb

k

1:17:57
1:17:58
1:17:59
1:18:00