PRESIDENTIAL HEALTHCARE ADDRESS LIVEBLOG-THING
Everybody's just standing around, asking each other "Where's Barack?" and shrugging their shoulders
Nancy Pelosi is wearing red in support of communist healthcare
All the lights just turned off!!! Now a bunch of lasers are going crazy! WtF??
Holy shit!!! Obama just came up via trap door like a pro wrestler or something! Smoke machines are working overtime!!!
Everybody is choking from the smoke
Hang on while I find a picture for this bad boy
Let's see if that worked
5:15PM: Hey Blogger stop fucking up everything
5:17PM: What the heck is Obama wearing?? Looks like a wizard's robe??
5:19PM: "I am determined to be the last president." Yikes! Sounds like Obama's sending America to the death panel!
5:22PM: Hahaha, some guy in front of the podium is just straight up twittering right in front of the president!
5:26PM: oh wait that's the stenographer or whatever
5:28PM: Obama's just doing magic tricks for some reason??
5:31PM: Biden and Pelosi are like the mommy and daddy of America
5:33PM: I have to admit, pulling a rabbit out of a hat is pretty cliche, but it never fails to amaze me.
5:36PM: Wow, he managed to tweet during his own speech! Amazing, amazing!
5:38PM: "I do not want to kill old people" *CROWD APPLAUDS WILDLY, GIVES A STANDING OVATION*
5:39PM: What the?? Just saw Ted Kennedy?? What's going on here??
5:41PM: Just zoomed in on Pelosi's digital watch... THIS THING WAS PRE-TAPED!!!!
5:44PM: Holy shit! Obama just disappeared!
5:45PM: He just appeared in the balcony! How'd he do that??
5:46PM: Hehe, Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi wore the same outfit. How embarrassing!
5:47PM: Haha, every male elected official in the room wore the same outfit! Embarrassment times a thousand!
5:48PM: Exceptions: Obama (wizard's robe), Senator McCain (t-shirt and shorts), Senator Grassley (Roman tunic), Biden (nothing)
5:49PM: Obama is about to zipline back to the main podium!
5:51PM: He hit a snag in the middle and now hes just danging there, high above the crowd
5:53PM: Why is nobody helping him down???
5:58PM: All the Representatives are climbing on each others' shoulders to create a human ladder to get him down. Good to see bi-partisanship in action
6:01PM: Dennis Kuchinich is on top but he's just a few inches too short to reach Obama!!!
6:03PM: Everybody just fell down and now they're writhing in pain!!!
6:05PM: Obama is crawling back to the podium, determined to finish his speech...
6:08PM: "I SUPPORT A STRONG PUBIC OPTION." Looks like somebody messed with the teleprompter! Biden snickers.
6:09PM: Now he's just reciting a bunch of random words with no apparent rhyme or reason. "Government apple tree zeppelin healthcare twitter insurance boxcar cardboard alligator elevator America"
6:13PM: Looks like he's winding up. Biden just fell asleep. Pelosi is writing on his forehead with a magic marker.
6:15PM: "Thank you, and God bless the U.S.S.R!" Ooh, massive blunder!
6:18PM: He's stepping over a bunch of congressmen still writhing on the ground as he exits. Step over them, not on them, Mr. President!
6:20PM: Now for the Republican response.
6:23PM: Rep. Ron Paul says he's totally in favor of the death panels, he just wants to see them come from the private sector.
6:27PM: Welp, that's it, thanx 4 reading! Imma add some more pictures to this later.