So, apparently they are updating Star Tours and scrapping the current movie for some podracing bullshit?!? Now, I'm not really a Star Wars fanatic, but what the shit??? Star Tours is the first and still the greatest simulator ride (The Back to the Future and Star Trek rides can suck it). It has one of the best waiting-in-line experiences, where you get to listening to a bunch of robots talk to you. You get to help blow up the Death Star even though this supposedly takes place after Return of the Jedi. There's a goddamn robot voiced by Pee-Wee Herman! Hey Disneyland: don't mess with greatness.

Since I haven't been to Disneyland in five years, I kind of went on a nostaligia binge and tried to find as many Star tours videos and information as possible (although none of the videos feature the little video-message screen on the right. Someone please get on this, stat) This is the highest-quality video out there, as far as I know. If you've never been on it, imagine that someone is shaking your chair, kids are screaming, and there's a robot voiced by Pee-Wee Herman in front of you. I also found this great fansite dedicated to Star Tours and they have a transcript of the whole damn thing. Before this I never understood why in the world we were suddenly blowing up the Death Star. Turns out it's because one of the X-wing guys tells Red 24 to cover him and the robot pilot, RX-24, mistakes it for his own name. NOW IT MAKES SENSE.

I was livid when I heard about the new Star Tours, but after thinking about it over the past couple weeks, I'm kind of cautiously optimistic about it. I mean, it can't all be podracing right? Who knows, maybe it won't suck??

IN MY DAY ROBOTS WERE CALLED ROBOTS, NOT THIS P.C. "DROID" BULLSHIT