October 7, 2008

SECOND PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE LIVEBLOG-THING

6:03 PM: Obama and McCain just entered. Obama’s wearing a t-shirt with William Ayers on it. Bold move.

6:07 PM: McCain tripped on an inadvertantly placed banana peel and fell down. Nobody is helping him up. Brokaw is just pointing and laughing at him

6:11 PM: McCain just tapped Tom Brokaw to be his new running mate?? what is going on

6:13 PM: Obama is just smoking a huge ass blunt while McCain is answering a question about the economy

6:16 PM: For some reason the C-SPAN cameraman is just filming close-ups of their feet.

6:18 PM: McCain: “I also wrote an ineffectual strongly-worded letter”

6:27 PM: Brokaw just left while nobody was looking?? everyone’s just sitting around in awkward silence now

6:31 PM: McCain twiddling thumbs, Obama drinking lots of water

6:35 PM: they are whispering to each other now. my lip-reading is a bit rusty, but basically they are discussing whether or not to sneak a peek at brokaw’s question list

6:39 PM: obama accidentally dropped his glass of water and it shattered. “did i do that?” he asks in urkel voice. audience cheers wildly

6:42 PM: not to be upstaged, mccain has started doing an archie bunker impression. keeps referring to obama as “meathead.” he’s pretty good

6:45 PM: mccain: “idk my bff joe?”

6:48 PM: FOSSIL FUELS??? WHAT IS THIS, THE FUCKING FLINTSTONES??? YEAH LET’S ALL JUST PROPEL OUR CARS BY MOVING OUR FEET. THAT WILL TOTALLY SOLVE THE GAS CRISIS. JESUS CHRIST

6:53 PM: audience getting restless now

6:58 PM: audience and obama just left. it’s just mccain now

7:01 PM: brokaw just returned. “sorry about that, everyone, my bowels have been acting up a lot lately. hey where’d everybody go”

7:04 PM: mccain: “i am more than happy to play by the rules, tom.” what a sycophant

7:06 PM: one of the debate people wrote “barack obama” on a piece of cardboard and put it on obama’s chair, i guess to represent him?

7:07 PM: brokaw: “hey where’d my questions go?” mccain winks at the camera

7:08 PM: mccain just said american blood is our most precious asset. is he a vampire???

7:10 PM: brokaw is asking the piece of cardboard what it thinks about palestine. cut to close-up of cardboard. so awkward

7:13 PM: audience and obama are back. “we went out for some smokes”

7:15 PM: brokaw said he’s just “hired help.” is he a mobster???

7:16 PM: damn, sending punches via telegraph would be awesome

7:20 PM: obama just brought out a guitar and started shredding it

7:23 PM: now he’s taking requests. one guy in section e shouts out “freebird”

7:24 PM: SMOKE IS LITERALLY COMING OUT OF MCCAIN’S EARS. HOLY SHIT

7:26 PM: mccain likes to talk about “big sticks” and “naked agression”

7:27 PM: now theyre all popping off their pants??? brokaw is taking out a tape measurer

7:29 PM: looks like brokaw wins this round

7:32 PM: last question: 5-letter word for “alteration”

7:34 PM: mccain: “reshape?” obama: “hope?” barr: “hey those directions you gave me were wrong”

7:39 PM: SARAH PALIN JUST RODE INTO THE AUDITORIUM ON AN ELEPHANT AND CARRIED MCCAIN OFF INTO THE SUNSET

7:43 PM: technicians are powering down brokaw. bob barr is shaking hands with people. obama is lighting up another blunt. on closer inspection it’s an american flag

7:54 PM: everyone has left the building. they turned out the lights. cspan cameras are still running though?

8:00 PM: a bunch of ghosts just materialized. i can recognize richard nixon, adlai e. stevenson, teddy roosevelt, and abraham lincoln. not sure who the others are

8:08 PM: according to talking points memo they are earl warren, john adams, jeanette rankin, and thurgood marshall. they are all playing badminton

8:15 PM: the presidents lost