May 24, 2011



i want to thank you for killing bin laden



oh…. uh…. thanks



it… it wasnt me though…. it was my half-brother jeff….



youre mumbling i cant understand a thing youre saying



anyway america is hella safe now and its all thanks to you. this has been the most important counter-terrorism operation in the past decade… hell maybe even the past century



dont remind me



yep… now we can finally start winding down our wars… we won’t need all this national security apparatus anymore… starting today we’re dismantling all our wiretapping programs



but… but… how am i going to read my neighbors sexts



ctu will be consolidated into the epa and focus on saving the environment



oh dear god



and finally we’re turning all our torture dungeons into public schools



this is not happening this is not happening



once again, the nation is in your debt. thank you for your service. goodbye *click*



jeff……….

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