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today's quote

My cat's breath has a bit of an odor to it because some food molecules from her carnivorous diet have been released into it.

-Ralph Wiggum, Lisa's Rival
today's quote

To beer! The remedy, as well as also the antecedent, to all of life's little problems.

-Homer Simpson, Homer vs. Prohibition
today's quote

Kind friends, my heart is not set on festivity, nor do necklaces of gold cause any flutter in my sorrowing bosom, nor will I stand up with the maidens of Shelbyville to beat my foot in the mazy dance. Tears have been my meat day and night; ah misery! See my unkempt hair, my tattered dress; are they fit for a princess, a daughter of Homer, or for Springfield which once thought of my father as its captor?

-Lisa Simpson, The Electra Company
today's quote

Oh! Take and hide our mother's corpse beneath a pall, and close her gaping wound. [turning to the corpse] Ah! Thy murderers were thine own children.

-Bart Simpson, The Electra Company
today's quote

Hi, I'm Phil Hartman. You might remember me from such films as Jingle All The Way and The Brave Little Toaster.

-Phil Hartman, The Thin Red Lion
today's quote

Jak sie masz, my name-a also Bort. Very nice. High five

-Bort, Itchy and Scratchy Land
today's quote

NO MAN MAY DEFEAT ITCHY, FOR ITCHY IS ALWAYS FOUND WITHIN; TO DEFEAT ITCHY IS TO DEFEAT ONESELF, THE BATTLE NO MAN WINS

-Poochie, UltraScratchy
today's quote

"i'ot somecool alfpogs//
?rememberalf?
--> Alfback, pogform"

-Milhouse Van Houten, Soultaker
today's quote

"A part of us all, a part of us all, a part of us all, a part of us all, a part of us all, a part of us all, a part of us all, a part of us all, a part of us all, a part of us all, a part of us all, a part of us all, a part of us all, a part of us all."

-Marge Simpson, All My Children
today's quote

"Correct me if I'm wrong, Doc, but as far as I can tell, Scott Wilder couldn't have been pregnant."

-Lennie Briscoe, All My Children
today's quote

"I was saying boo."

-Hans Moleman, A Star is Burns
today's quote

"No TV and no beer make Homer calm & at ease."

-Homer Simpson, Treehouse of Horror V
today's quote

"Gentle ham"

-Lenny, Last Exit to Springfield
today's quote

"Lisa needs basses"

-Marge Simpson, Last Exit to Springfield
today's quote

"What If I'm Gay"


-Milhouse Van Houten, A Milhouse Divided
today's quote

"Aye carumba, the Führer!"

-Bart Simpson, "Nazis On Tap"
today's quote

"Simpson! Homer Simpson! He was the best man in history. ! Springfield City! This man is attacked by chestnut trees!

-Homer Simpson, "Margie opposed to the monorail"
today's quote

"Last night's "itchy and scratchy show" None
Mistrust is the worst episode ever. Relieved, I A few minutes on the Internet, I registered
Worldwide revulsion."

-Comic Book Guy, "Itchy Scratchy Poochie Show"
today's quote

"Inexplicably, the mayor then leaned toward a comely MoveOn organizer and whispered in her ear, 'Ah, if anyone asks, you're my niece from out of town and you don't get SCHIP.'

'But Uncle Joe, I am your niece from out of town, and I do get SCHIP.'

'Good Lord, I'm a monster!' exclaimed the mayor."

-The Committee on Energy and Commerce, "Bipartisanship on SCHIP!"
today's quote

"The pig of the spider, pig of the spider, does what a pig does of the spider."

-Homer Simpson, The Simpsons Movie
today's quote

"I have christened the largest of the possums Bitey."

-Homer Simpson, "Monorail Episode"
today's quote

"Save me, Jesus!"

-Homer Simpson, "Missionary: Impossible"
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"Now, good night, son."

-Homer Simpson, "Good Night"
today's quote

"I'm failing English? That's highly improbable!"

-Ralph Wiggum, "Lisa on Ice"
today's quote

"The goggles are doing nothing"

-McBain, "Radioactive Man"
today's quote

"Aye carumba!"

-Bart, "Bart Gets An F"

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UPCOMING EPISODE

TIM TIME

tim long

SIMPSONS WRITER TIM LONG IS CROWNED FUNNIEST MAN OF THE CENTURY AND HAS "THE SEX" WITH A BUNCH OF SUPERMODELS WHILE MONEY POURS DOWN FROM THE CEILING OF HIS POSH HOLLYWOOD MANSION

WRITTEN BY: TIM LONG
GUEST STARRING: TIM LONG AS HIMSELF

UPCOMING EPISODE

TEDDY BEARS' TWITPIC

homer twitter

HOMER SIMSON GET A TWITTER!!! HE TWEETS ALL DAY LONG UNTIL Mr. BURNS FIRE HIM FOR TWEETING ON THE JOB. THEN A THING HAPPENS
UPCOMING EPISODE

Homer Blackman

the color yellow

Homer and Bart become black men after a freak accident at the plant.
upcoming pre-emption

Human Target

leno

Jay Leno gets the blame for yet another late night debacle.
UPCOMING SPECIAL

Morgan Spurlock's "The Simpsons 20th Anniversary Special: In 3D! On Ice!"

spurlock

the guy who ate a bunch of hamburgers fellates the simpsons for 90 minutes
UPCOMING EPISODE

BURNSDAYS WITH MAGGIE

burns

MR BURNS MAKES A NEW DAY OF THE WEEK AND ADOPTS MAGGIE THE BABY WHO TEACHES HIM LIFE LESSONS... A HEART­WARMING TALE OF LOVE & REDEMPTION THIS SUNDAY ON FOX
UPCOMING EPISODE

O BORTER, WHERE BORT THOU?

bort

WORLDWIDE BORT LICENSE PLATE SHORTAGE LEADS NASA TO SEND AN ASTROMAN TO OUTER REACHES OF ANDROMEDA GALAXY TO EXPLORE AND SEEK OUT EXOTIC NEW NATURAL RESOURCES FROM WHICH TO CREATE BORT LICENSE PLATES
UPCOMING EPISODE

DEADKNOBS AND DOOMSTICKS

lisa

LISA JOINS A CULT.... THE CULT IS CHRISTIANITY... ALSO HOMER BATTLES FOODGOBLINS AFTER BEING TRANSPORTED TO THE DIMENSION OF SNACKS... CHECK IT OUT THIS SUNDAY ON FOX
UPCOMING PRE-EMPTION

Family Guy

family guy

Peter falls off a really tall building and his life flashes before his eyes, which consists of an uninterrupted 20 minute string of short skits about pop culture.
UPCOMING EPISODES

Treehouse of Porno XXX

get out bart im piss

Two iconic American franchises shred all remaining traces of respectability.
UPCOMING EPISODES

Bart Gets A Zoo

here come da judge

Bart becomes the host of KBBL's new morning zoo radio show and soon finds himself embroiled in a big prank war with Nelson, the host of a rival zoo. How low will Bart stoop in his never-ending quest for higher ratings? Glenn Beck guest stars.
UPCOMING EPISODES

Homer the Wapner (Season Premier)

here come da judge

When Homer becomes a judge on The People's Court, the producers try to convince him to exercise capital punishment in order to boost ratings. Can Lisa stop him before he becomes judge, jury and executioner? Judge Judy guest stars.
UPCOMING EPISODES

Locomotion

mccoy

In the 15th-season finale, McCoy faces a man (Joseph Lyle Taylor) who insists on being his own defense counsel after he is charged with multiple counts of murder for causing a train derailment.
UPCOMING EPISODES

Dancing in Homerica

homerica

Homer gets a wacky new job as the proprietor of a cafe disco named "Homerica." The rest of the show is just people dancing. Spencer Pratt guest stars.
UPCOMING EPISODES

Itty Bitty Tanya, Moe

tanya

Eyebrows raise to unprecedented levels when Moe starts dating Tanya, a previously-unexplored elementary school student. Roman Polanski guest stars.
UPCOMING EPISODES

What's My Line, BZ

what's my line

In yet another flashback episode, Homer recounts his entire life after being accused of cheating on a game show. Wayne Brady guest stars.
UPCOMING EPISODES

Double Double, Burgin Trouble

double double

homer starts burgin real hard for a double double after hearing about in-n-out's 60th anniversary, so he brings the whole family down to california. unfortunately it's during wildfire season. dennis leary guest stars as a foul-mouthed fireman.
UPCOMING EPISODES

Savings, Discounts, and Coupon Rebates (Season Premiere)

how is babby formed

After helping Marge buy grocerices, Homer becomes a bargain hunter... but when the hunter becomes the hunted, he'll find more than he bargained for. Dan Castalleneta guest stars.
UPCOMING EPISODES

All About Ling (Series Finale)

how is babby formed

On her first birthday, Ling (Selma's adopted baby from China) convinces Maggie, The One-Eyebrowed Baby and the Octuplets to eat dog food so they can turn into dogs. Margaret Cho guest stars.

UPCOMING EPISODES

God Save The Campy Drawing of Queen Victoria

god save the campy drawing of queen victoria

After they do heroin together, Nelson stabs Lisa to death.

UPCOMING EPISODES

Carnival For A Friend

pokey mom

Sideshow Bob kidnaps Bart and the two become best friends. To show his appreciation, Bob builds Bart a carnival. There's just one problem: it's full of rakes!

UPCOMING EPISODES

I Don't Wanna Know Why The Caged Bird Sings

pokey mom

Marge befriends a prisoner again.

UPCOMING REPEATS

The Boils of Blubber

hillary

Homer develops boils on his belly, but is unable to pay Dr. Hibbert to remove them. Lisa convinces Mayor Quimby to legalize universal healthcare in Springfield, but things take a turn for the worse when everyone becomes a Communist! Hillary Clinton guest stars.

NOW IN THEATERS

The Simpsons Movie

itchy

Homer dumps pig shit in the river.

UPCOMING QUADRUPLE FEATURE

Crook and Haldeman

Richard Nixon and his former chief of staff H.R. Haldeman move in to the house across the street from the Simpsons. If they thought Watergate was bad, wait 'til they get a load of Homergate!

Soylent Up

When Buzz Cola releases a new lemon-lime soda called Buzz Up, Springfield is abuzz with accolades for the tasty beverage! But will anyone listen to Lisa when she discovers Buzz Up's secret ingredient? Ralph Nader guest stars.
UPCOMING PRE-EMPTIONS

The Lost World: Jurassic Park

Girl defeats raptors with gymnastics.
UPCOMING REPEATS

The Ho-Hum Couple

Fifth-tier characters Gil and Cookie Kwan get married, but nobody cares. Runaway bride Jennifer Willbanks guest stars.
UPCOMING PRE-EMPTIONS
NASCAR Racing
Nextel Cup: Coca-Cola 600

Cars spin around in a circle for a few hours.
UPCOMING EPISODES
Marge Reclaimer

Marge discovers that Springfield is actually a simulated reality created by sentient machines in order to pacify, subdue and make use of the human population as an energy source.
UPCOMING EPISODES
Rome-old and Juli-eh

The court appoints an accountant for Homer when he incorrectly files for bankruptcy, which results in his cutting back on all of his expenses, including Grampas nursing home. In an unexpected turn of events, Grampa and Selma fall in love and move in together, and Homer and Patty plot to break up their love connection. Meanwhile, Bart and Lisa con a delivery man into giving them the most sought-after commodity in the neighborhood cardboard boxes. Their alliance is put to the test when the delivery man realizes he was duped. I'm not making this one up.
UPCOMING EPISODES
Yokel Lord

When Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel takes over the church, the power goes straight to his head as he appoints himself Official Deity of Springfield! Andy Dick guest stars.
UPCOMING EPISODES
Big Little Girl

When one of Professor Frink's crazy adventures backfires, Lisa is suddenly transmorgified into a 22-year old! Will she use her newfound adult powers for good or bad? Tom Hanks, reprising his role from Big, guest stars.
UPCOMING EPISODES
Another Goddamn Trilogy of Stories That Basically Amount To The Simpsons Playing Dress-Up

Continuing the trend of such fan-favorites as The Simpsons Tell Bible Stories, The Simpsons Tell Tall Tales and The Simpsons Tell Stories Involving Water, this episode deals with the Simpsons telling stories about revenge.
UPCOMING EPISODES
The Wife Acoustic

Homer takes up the guitar and becomes an indie rock superstar, much to the chagrin of Marge, who feels her own musical talents are being neglected.
UPCOMING EPISODES
Ice Cream for Maggie (With Hair)

Homer's job as ice cream man is threatened by global warming. Al Gore guest stars.
UPCOMING EPISODES

 

I don't know yet sorry

 

did you notice...?

Bart, Lisa, and Maggie are bald.
did you notice...?

Smithers was black in that one episode!!! WTF!!!
did you know...?

You can see Maude Flanders' boobies if you freeze-frame the part where she dies
did you know...?

Director Nancy Kruse is the only person who is allowed to draw Hans Moleman.
did you know...?

Before joining The Simpsons, composer Alf Clausen was best known for playing the title character of the hit TV show ALF.
did you know...?

Bart is called "Bort" in all official Simpsons merchandise in order to deter bootleggers.
did you know...?

Writer John Swartz­welder killed over 30 men during his two tours in Vietnam. He has since been banned from re-entering the country by the Vietnam Board of Tourism.
did you know...?

As a form of protest against the wars, voice actress Julie Kavner has taken a vow of silence, speaking only to record the part of Marge one day a year.
did you know...?

Three murders have occured in the writers' room, all of which remain unsolved.
did you know...?

The distinctive "thunk-thunk" sound effect used in between scenes was created by combining close to a dozen sounds, including that of a group of monks stamping on a floor.
did you know...?

Executive producer Al Jean's Social Security number is 987-65-4327.
did you know...?

It takes over nine years to produce an episode from start to finish.
did you know...?

Starting February 15, the show will be filmed in live action.
did you know...?

Conan O'Brien still writes for the show under the pseudonym "Daniel Chun."
did you know...?

The writers have been on strike since 1999.
did you know...?

Each January, a baby is stolen from a local hospital and taken to the Fox recording studio to provide Maggie's voice for the year.
did you know...?

Ironically, after Hank Azaria left the show in 2006, all of his characters were outsourced to Indian voice actors, except for Apu, who is now voiced by English film actor Michael Caine.
did you notice...?

The Simpsons do not age. Instead they are trapped in a hellish existence where they are perpetually the same age for all eternity. Bart will never graduate from the fourth grade, Lisa will never escape the confines of Springfield, and Maggie will forever remain mute. They will never die, but they will never truly live either.
did you notice...?

President Schwarzenegger's voice and appearance are modeled off of Austrian film star Rainier Wolfcastle.
did you notice...?

The height of Marge's hair has steadily increased with each passing year. By Season 20, her hair will be 40% taller than it was in Season 1.
did you notice...?
Maggie has been a baby for one-fifth of a century, just like Generation Y.
did you notice...?
Apu is a clerk at the Kwik-E-Mart.
did you notice...?
Marge has blue hair and Homer had brown hair, which means Bart, Lisa and Maggie (who are all blond) are illegitimate.
did you notice...?
Nearly all the characters on the show have prominent overbites.
did you notice...?
Mr. Burns has continued to play a supporting role in "The Simpsons" despite having been shot in the episode "Who Shot Mr. Burns"

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