January 2012 Archives

Matt Groening Struck By Mummy's Curse, Turned Into Doll

matt groening dollSimpson creator Matt Groening went to Egypt to check out the pyramid and he foolishly ignored all the hieroglyphic warnings and trespassed into the forbidden zone when all of a sudden The Mummy appeared and cast a big curse on him. As karmic retribution for all his brazen merchandising and capitalist crimes, Mr. Groening was turned into a piece of merchandise himself, how ironic. Now he is no longer human, he is just a doll and can't do human things anymore, rip.

OK but seriously now, for just fifty American dollars you can buy a toy version of the guy whose signature appears on all your other Simpsons toys. Here's what the solicitation says:

Created by legendary "Life is Hell" cartoonist Matt Groening, THE SIMPSONS is celebrating its 500th episode in February 2012, and Kidrobot is honoring the father of primetime animation in the only way we know how - making him into a 6-inch vinyl toy! Complete with goatee and glasses, director's jacket, and pad and pencil accessories, it is the first EVER Simpsons Matt Groening toy.

Essentially, if you cut out the middlemen, you can pay a guy money and he will give you a doll version of himself. This is so weird and messed up that I needed to lie down to fully contemplate the many levels of Meta this object encapsulates.

Fox Developing Their Own Adult Swim

adult swim logoFox hired a guy from Adult Swim to find out how to better compete with Adult Swim and his solution was for Fox to make their own Adult Swim. Brilliant! The two hour programming block will air on Saturdays at 11pm starting next year.

Basically, they're grabbing up all the "edgy" cartoons they don't have room for on Sunday nights (which I will henceforth refer to as "Animation Domination Prime") and dumping them on Saturday nights, formerly the home of MADtv, Wanda Sykes's late-night talk show, and the remaining episodes of Sit Down, Shut Up they were contractually obligated to air. Nobody knows what's on there now. The audience for this thing will primarily consist of Adult Swim viewers who forgot Saturdays are when Adult Swim airs The Animes.

Mass Euthanasia Scheduled For February

Fox is always looking for new ways to encourage people to kill themselves. With their plans for an all-Simpsons channel having failed to materialize, it looked like their attempts to integrate The Simpsons into their master plan were dead on arrival.

Luckily, the Guinness Book of World Records stepped up to the plate and came up with a brilliant scheme that protects Fox from any liability: locking a bunch of people in a room and forcing them to watch all 500 episodes of The Simpsons, including the 300 or so that comprise The Bad Seasons. Whoever is still alive at the end of this charade will obtain 10,500 US dollars in hush money.

Arab Newspaper Calls Matt Groening "One Weird Creature"

The National, an English-language newspaper in the United Arab Emirates, called Simpsons creator Matt Groening "one weird creature" for no apparent reason.

THE BASICS, PART ONE The Simpsons is the longest-running scripted show in television history - and a cultural phenomenon that is recognised the world over. Its creator, the cartoonist Matt Groening, is one weird creature.

What a baffling little statement. There's no elaboration or explanation whatsoever. "Weird," okay, I can buy that. But "creature?" Like he's a jolly little gnome-person or something? And this is supposed one of the basic facts one should know about The Simpsons?

Perhaps The National should change its name to "The Irrational." corny

[The National]