BORT REPORT Archives

Now We'll Never See An All-Bort Episode

bortA couple weeks ago, Ben Joseph, a first-time Simpsons writer, went onto the notorious pony-fetish website reddit and took some questions about his experience hanging out with Bart Simpson. Some of the answers are sorta-kinda interesting - how the writing process works, how much money you get before taxes, what Hank Azaria looks like ("a bronzed Adonis") - but then he let this little nugget of info slither out:

No restrictions. But, as much as I'd have loved to pitch an all-Bort episode, I also worked hard to pitch something that felt like something they would actually do.

Thanks for dashing our dreams, jerkwad. [reddit]

Disney World Finally Catches Up With Itchy & Scratchy Land

And so it has spent the last year outfitting an underground, nerve center to address that most low-tech of problems, the wait. Located under Cinderella Castle, the new center uses video cameras, computer programs, digital park maps and other whiz-bang tools to spot gridlock before it forms and deploy countermeasures in real time.

In one corner, employees watch flat-screen televisions that depict various attractions in green, yellow and red outlines, with the colors representing wait-time gradations.


If Pirates of the Caribbean, the ride that sends people on a spirited voyage through the Spanish Main, suddenly blinks from green to yellow, the center might respond by alerting managers to launch more boats.

bort command center

"We need more Bort license plates in the gift shop. I repeat, we are sold out of Bort license plates."

[New York Times]

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