OAKLEY CORRAL Archives

Ten Simpsons Episodes That Never Were

PrinceBill Oakley has done it again. Last Friday on Twitter, the former Simpsons showrunner revealed his personal top ten Simpsons episodes that were "pitched, discussed, [and] written," but, for whatever reason, never produced and lost to the sands of time.

Now, most of our competition would just lazily copy & paste the list and call it a day, but we here at rubbercat.net/simpsons have much more respect for you, the reader. We have attempted to dig up as much information about these would-be episodes as possible, from audio commentaries, interviews, and story outlines, to bring you the most complete picture of these extra-bonus-non-episodes as possible. Let's run through the list, shall we?


Facebook Goons Delete Bill Oakley's Facebook

zuckerbergMark Zuckerberg and his Facebook goons have apparently deleted Bill Oakley's Facebook account, effectively rendering the former Simpsons showrunner and current Portlandia producer a non-person in this hyper-connected age. The crack team at Facebook determined that Oakley was illegally impersonating former Simpsons showrunner and current Portlandia producer Bill Oakley, who is the same person, and swiftly deleted his account. Despite being informed his account will not be reactivated "for any reason," Oakley has taken to the Twitter to bring the issue to as many Facebook employees as possible, as well as popular tech blogs Mashable and the New York Times' Bits blog. In the eyes of this reporter, it is great to see Facebook allocating its resources on protecting little-known TV producers from impersonation instead of focusing on less important issues, like instituting better privacy safeguards.

Bill Oakley Releases 90,000 Classified Afghanistan War Reports, 4 Simpsons Documents

Julian Assange
Bill Oakley.
Former Simpsons writer/showrunner and notorious "hacktivist" Bill Oakley, who has been in communication with fans via the internet since before most people even had the internet, has been tearin' up the Twitter lately, uploading a treasure trove of rare Simpsons material that has never before been made public. Among the documents uploaded so far: the first draft of "$pringfield, (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)," the first draft of the "Skinner and the Superintendent" segment from "22 Short Films About Springfield," the original story outline for "Two Bad Neighbors," and a list of random ideas.

Among the more intriguing ideas lost to the sands of time:

  • An aborted "$pringfield" subplot involving Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Sylvester Stallone maintaining a Planet Hollywood in Springfield that got dropped since the three actors never actually agreed to be on the show.
  • More scenes of Springfield being hit by an economic recession, which somehow feels more timely and relevant than last year's "No Loan Again, Naturally" despite being written a decade earlier.
  • George and Barbara Bush eating pizza.
  • An episode plot where Bart obtains 144 Jeeps for some reason.
  • This visual gag:
     
    The town secretary records the vote in a ledger, where we see previous idiotic town votes, e.g. "Above-Ground H-Bomb Test," "Lower Drinking Age to 14," and "Build Monorail."

Oakley's Got A Brand New Blog

josh weinsteinBill Oakley, one half of the ethnic comedy duo "Oakley & Weinstein," has a brand-new blog in which he lists unpopular food carts in Portland, Oregon. Here's a sampler:

100% Vegan Styrofoam Cupcakes (SW 4th & Hall)


Neglectful Mom's Empty Bag Lunches (SE 3rd & Ankeny)

Vintage & Collectible Milk (NE 23rd & Alberta)

All fans of "Allied Biscuit" and "TableTime" are invited to attend. [Portland's Least Popular Food Carts via @thatbilloakley]

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