quotes
homer simpson quotes
To beer! The remedy, as well as also the antecedent, to all of life's little problems.
Homer Simpson, Homer vs. Prohibition
No TV and no beer make Homer calm & at ease.
Homer Simpson, Treehouse of Horror V
Simpson! Homer Simpson! He was the best man in history. ! Springfield City! This man is attacked by chestnut trees!
Homer Simpson, Margie opposed to the monorail
The pig of the spider, pig of the spider, does what a pig does of the spider.
Homer Simpson, The Simpsons Movie
I have christened the largest of the possums Bitey.
Homer Simpson, Monorail Episode
Save me, Jesus!
Homer Simpson, Missionary: Impossible
Now, good night, son.
Homer Simpson, Good Night
It's not Maggiano's birthday?
Homer Simpson, Lady Bouvier's Lover
It's not Jebusususes's birthday
Homer Simpson, Sleighed by the Bells
I'm tired of being a wannabe league bowler. I wanna be an opera singer, Olympic athlete, superhero, and Super Bowl choreographer.
Homer Simpson, Team Homer
Lousy March weather.
Homer Simpson, Treehouse of Horror VI
Yabba dabba D'OH!!!!
homer Simson, Pilot
Homer Simpson, The Be-Sharps. It's a pleasure to meet a fellow musician, Billy.
Homer Simpson, Homerpalooza
Feel free to blame me, I voted for Kang.
Homer Simpson, Treehouse of Horror VII
marge simpson quotes
A part of us all, a part of us all, a part of us all, a part of us all, a part of us all, a part of us all, a part of us all, a part of us all, a part of us all, a part of us all, a part of us all, a part of us all, a part of us all, a part of us all.
Marge Simpson, Lemon of Troy
[FRUSTRATED MURMUR]
Marge Simpson, Marge Bar
Lisa needs basses
Marge Simpson, Last Exit to Springfield
lenny quotes
Gentle ham
Lenny, Last Exit to Springfield
Correct me if I'm wrong, Doc, but as far as I can tell, Scott Wilder couldn't have been pregnant.
Detective Lennie Briscoe, All My Children
My eye! I'm supposed to get two drops of Systane Ultra in it daily!
Lenny, Eyes of Leonard Mars
chief wiggum quotes
I may be grossly incompetent at my job, but at least I've never shot an unarmed teenager... canonically. Wait, why did I say that last part?
Chief Wiggum, The Thin Blue Lie
No country in the world's gonna indict a baby... ehh, maybe Pakistan.
Chief Wiggum, Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part 3)
ralph wiggum quotes
I'm failing English? That's highly improbable!
Ralph Wiggum, Lisa On Ice
My cat's breath has a bit of an odor to it because some food molecules from her carnivorous diet have been released into it.
Ralph Wiggum, Lisa's Rival
I choo-choo-choose to live a life devoted to chastity, abstinence, and a flavorless mush I call rootmarm.
Ralph Wiggum, I Love Liberty
Ah, to be in the arms of Morpheus! Within the dreamworld, I oft envisage my personage assuming the form of an indomitable Viking warrior from time immemorial.
Ralph Wiggum, Lisa the Vegetarian
milhouse quotes
i'ot somecool alfpogs//
?rememberalf?
--> Alfback, pogform
?rememberalf?
--> Alfback, pogform
Milhouse Van Houten, Soultaker
What If I'm Gay
Milhouse Van Houten, A Milhouse Divided
Then why did I have Ebola, Bart? Why did I have Ebola?
Milhouse Van Houten, Typhoid Maggie
ned flanders quotes
Lifearoono begins at conceptioniddily.
Ned Flanders, Plan B From [FRUSTRATED MURMUR] Space
apu quotes
Even I'm offended by NBC's Outsourced, and I'm an Indian stereotype voiced by a white man.
Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, 30 Bangkok
moe quotes
Hold on, I'll check... Dick Armey!! Call for a Dick Armey!! Hey guys, I need a Dick Armey over here!!
Moe Syslak, FreedomWorks Isn't Free
barney quotes
Ah, but, Moe, the swank- the swank!
Barney Gumble, Flaming Mendoza's
mcbain quotes
The goggles are doing nothing
McBain, Radioactive Man
Upon closer inspection, these are loafers... ♪ former gophers, grizzly bear underwear ♫
Rainier Wolfcastle, A Star is Burns
professor frink quotes
Riboflavin haven, gavin polone, neg-ate, diddley-doodley.
Professor Frink, FrinkyLinks
stephen hawking quotes
Any inconsistencies or anachronisms in the Simpsons timeline are because I, Stephen Hawking, tampered with the space-time wormhole vortex or whatever, a heinous violation of God's law for which I feel absolutely no remorse.
Stephen Hawking, They Saved Lisa's Brain
hans moleman quotes
I was saying boo.
Hans Moleman, A Star is Burns
rod flanders quotes
Irony helps us negate our humanity!
Rod Flanders, Lisa's First Word
todd flanders quotes
I said, I don't want any damn bugs.
Todd Flanders, Top Grub: Maverick
ms. hoover quotes
I don't know why; it's a perfectly acceptable word.
Ms. Hoover, Lisa the Iconoclast
multiple speaker quotes
Mr. Jarmusch, if you can't think of a title for your postmodernist hitman thriller, where's it gonna come from? Her?
Roger Myers, Jr.
Um, hmm, how about... Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai?
Marge Simpson
- The Day The Violence Died
poochie quotes
NO MAN MAY DEFEAT ITCHY, FOR ITCHY IS ALWAYS FOUND WITHIN; TO DEFEAT ITCHY IS TO DEFEAT ONESELF, THE BATTLE NO MAN WINS
Poochie, UltraScratchy
bart simpson quotes
Eat my shorts
Bart Simpson, Bart the Genius
Whoa Mama
Bart Simpson, Bart the Lover
Don't have a Cow man
Bart Simpson, Bart the Murderer
Cowabunga
Bart Simpson, Bart Gets An F
Ay carumba!
Bart Simpson, Bart The Fink
Ay carumba, the Führer!
Bart Simpson, Nazis on Tap
Eat my jorts
Bart Simpson, Bart the Vigilante
Boy, I sure could go for 1 taco right about now.
Bart Simpson, Bart the Fink
[choking noises]
Bart Simpson, Bart's Own Strangler
lisa simpson quotes
Don't Have A Cow Man
Lisa Simpson, Lisa the Vegetarian
Oh! Take and hide our mother's corpse beneath a pall, and close her gaping wound. (turning to the corpse) Ah! Thy murderers were thine own children.
Lisa Simpson, The Electra Company
Wow, I can't believe Superintendent Chalmers used to be a clown until thirty years ago, when he had a falling out with Krusty and became disillusioned with comedy, which led him to pursue a career in education!
Lisa Simpson, The Superintendent and the Supplicant
Buy me Bergstrom or go to hell.
Lisa Simpson, Lisa's Substitute
Doug Funnie, star of Brand Spankin' New Doug, now available to stream on Disney+? What are YOU doing here in Springfield?!
Lisa Simpson, The Beats Go On
Kind friends, my heart is not set on festivity, nor do necklaces of gold cause any flutter in my sorrowing bosom, nor will I stand up with the maidens of Shelbyville to beat my foot in the mazy dance. Tears have been my meat day and night; ah misery! See my unkempt hair, my tattered dress; are they fit for a princess, a daughter of Homer, or for Springfield which once thought of my father as its captor?
Lisa Simpson, The Electra Company
Loki, the ancient Norse God of Mischief? What are YOU doing here in Springfield?
Lisa Simpson, The Good, the Bad, and the Loki
maggie simpson quotes
Father
Maggie Simpson, Lisa's First Word
Maggie Simpson, Gift of the Maggie
I refuse to recognize Israel's right to exist in Palestine.
Maggie Simpson, Maggie's First Words
barb simpson quotes
Eat my skirt.
Barb Simpson, Love Me Gender
bort quotes
Jak sie masz, my name-a also Bort. Very nice. High five
Bort, Itchy & Scratchy Land
grampa simpson quotes
Dear Mr. President: There are too many podcasts nowadays. Please eliminate thirty.
Grampa Simpson, The Font
mr. burns quotes
Smithers, you big dumb-dumb, put your feet on the pedals and let's bike to the hospital.
Mr. Burns, 22 Short Films About Springfield
principal skinner quotes
I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable fourthmeal.
Principal Skinner, For Whomst The Bell Tolls
comic book guy quotes
Last night's "itchy and scratchy show" None
Mistrust is the worst episode ever. Relieved, I A few minutes on the Internet, I registered
Worldwide revulsion.
Comic Book Guy, Itchy Scratchy Poochie Show
Ooh, an authenticity detector. Well, that's a *real* useful invention for these jaded, hyper-ironic times.
Comic Book Guy, They Saved Lisa's Brain
kent brockman quotes
The young pope can be recognized by his high-top sneakers and incredibly foul mouth.
Kent Brockman, The Papal Boy
troy mcclure quotes
Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You might remember me from such viral YouTube videos as Benghazi Flash Mob! and Tuesdays with Maru.
Troy McClure, Starlet's Webisode
troll mcclure quotes
Hi, I'm Troll McClure. You might remember me from such films as Wherein Numerous Vigilantes Confront Peril; One of Them Betrays The Others; (But It Turns Out to be Part of the Plan All Along); Several Attractive Female Leads Provoke Romantic Tension; Four Major Characters Wear Unusual Hats; One Holds Plot-Critical Secret; 47 On-Screen Explosions, One Resulting In Demise of Key-Adversary; 6 to 20 Lines That Could Be Construed As Humorous, etc.
Troll McClure, A Lusus Named Selma
phil hartman quotes
Hi, I'm Phil Hartman. You might remember me from such films as Jingle All The Way and The Brave Little Toaster.
Phil Hartman, The Thin Red Lionel
sideshow mel quotes
[eerie silence]
Sideshow Mel, All's Mel That Ends Mel
mr. teeny quotes
What price immortality?
Mr. Teeny, The Monkey's Gambit
dr. nick quotes
Hi, everybody! I fully support low carb diets! Get extra energy with bacon... you can do it!
Dr. Nick Riviera, Better Dead Than Bread
pahusacheta quotes
Everything's coming up Pahusacheta!
Pahusacheta Nahasapeemapetilon, Sanjay's Super Tween
michael bloomberg quotes
Science has proven the dangers of smoking, alcohol and chinese food. But I can still ruin soft drinks for everyone!
Michael Bloomberg, The Big Slurp
miscellaneous quotes
My son is also named Jort.
Mother, Itchy & Scratchy Land
Inexplicably, the mayor then leaned toward a comely MoveOn organizer and whispered in her ear, "Ah, if anyone asks, you're my niece from out of town and you don't get SCHIP."
"But Uncle Joe, I am your niece from out of town, and I do get SCHIP."
"Good Lord, I'm a monster!" exclaimed the mayor.
The Committee on Energy and Commerce, Bipartisanship on SCHIP!
Wait, you guys did a whole episode about crossword puzzles and I didn't even get a cursory mention? No, I'm not mad, I'm just... I'm just tired of being this obscure throwaway reference, you know? When is it going to be my time to shine?
Langdon Alger, Peripheral Strangers