1600 Penn: Season 2
INT. WHITE HOUSE BREAKFAST NOOK - DAY
NOT JONAH HILL saunters into the room in a T-shirt and
boxers, yawning.
NOT JONAH HILL
Mornin' everyone.
PRESIDENT BILL PULLMAN and the rest of the FIRST FAMILY are in their fanciest clothes,
dumbfounded yet again at Not Jonah Hill's youthful insouciance.
NOT JONAH HILL
Um... did I miss something?
BECCA
It's Dad's Inauguration.
NOT JONAH HILL
Didn't we already have that, like, four years ago?
PRESIDENT BILL PULLMAN
I was re-elected.
NOT JONAH HILL
What? How long was I asleep??
MOMILY
Go. Get your clothes on. We have to leave soon.
NOT JONAH HILL
Okay, okay...
He leaves.
PRESIDENT BILL PULLMAN
Honestly. Sometimes I think that kid is my biggest failure,
after that Pakistani preschool I accidentally bombed.
MOMILY
Oh, honey. I'm sure he'll mature... someday. But where would
we be without his hilarious antics?
PRESIDENT BILL PULLMAN
Up 20 points in the polls.
You know, with all these weekly crises, it's amazing I got a second term at all. Our ratings were so bad...
MOMILY
Well, once America got to know us, I think they were ready to
give us another chance. Especially after NBC finally put its full support behind us.
Becca raises her eyebrow quizzically.
MOMILY
The National Budget Committee, they're a really influential
lobbyist group.
PRESS SECRETARY
Please don't take this the wrong way, but your son's hilarious antics - as well as, uh, the baby I sorta fathered out of
wedlock with your daughter - are actually what saved us in the polls. They distracted the voters from our domestic and
foreign agendas, and that definitely worked out in our favor, Dad. I mean, sir. I mean, uh, your excellency.
PRESIDENT BILL PULLMAN
Yeah, well, still. Lowest turnout in a century. Big whoop.
You know what? Things are going to be different this time. There's going to be some big changes around here.
(to MOMILY)
You, my dear, are going to stop following my son around on dates, breaking expensive china in a comedic manner, and being hysterical for no reason...
(to BECCA)
Becca, no more of this... baby drama. Understand?
BABY
[bleeped-out expletive]
BECCA
OK, that's going to be a problem.
PRESIDENT BILL PULLMAN
Other son, you're going to not be such a big nerd this time.
OTHER SON nods and throws his trigonometry book into a
garbage can.
PRESIDENT BILL PULLMAN
Other daughter... uh... did you even do anything last term?
OTHER DAUGHTER
Nope.
PRESIDENT BILL PULLMAN
OK, well, good. Good girl. Just keep doing that.
NOT JONAH HILL re-enters wearing a tuxedo t-shirt.
NOT JONAH HILL
Alright, let's get this party started!
PRESIDENT BILL PULLMAN
And you, son. No more goofy antics. No more telling foreign
dignitaries to "chillax." No more peeing out of the Washington Monument. This second term is going to go off without a hitch, understand me?
EXT. CAPITOL BUILDING - DAY
PRESIDENT BILL PULLMAN is being given the Oath of Office by
THE CHIEF
JUSTICE, a really frail elderly man.
CHIEF JUSTICE
I d-d-do solemnly s-swear...
PRESIDENT BILL PULLMAN
I do solemnly swear...
CHIEF JUSTICE
That I will f-f-faithfully exec--
His eyes roll back into his head and he falls down, dead. The
crowd is aghast.
PRESIDENT BILL PULLMAN
Well, [bleeped-out expletive].
MAIN TITLES.