Dear Judge Judy,

You are very nice. I see you on the TV all the time. You have a show on there. It is my favorite show. I watch it everyday. Sometimes it does not come on. I am sad when that happens. But then it comes back and I am happy.

You have nice hair. It is brown and short. I like hair that is brown and short. Your hair is probably the nicest hair I have ever seen. I have seen a lot of hair, too. There is a girl at the dry cleaning place. Her hair is red and curly. I do not like her hair. I do not know her name. There is a man there, too. His name is Miguel. He is Mexican. Sometimes he talks Spanish. I do not know Spanish. I do not know what Miguel is saying. There was a Mexican man on your show once. He was angry. So was the other person. They were yelling. I do not like it when the people yell. You banged your gavel and said order. I wonder what it is like to bang a gavel. I do not know. I do not have a gavel.

Another time there was another man on your show. He was big and he had a goatee. I saw a man like that one time. It was downtown. He tried to fight me and take my wallet, but I wouldnít let him. Then he started punching me. It hurt a lot and there was blood. I did not like that too much. He got my wallet even though I did not want him to have it. I wish you had been there. You could have stopped the man. You are tough and strong. He wouldnítve gotten my wallet if you had been there.

You have nice, soft lips. I watch your lips move when you talk. They are smooth and delicate. I wonder if you use lipstick. I use lipstick sometimes. I put lipstick on my dog one time. It was a long time ago. He did not like it too much. He is gone now. He is in Heaven. I miss him a lot sometimes. I talk to him. I wonder if he can hear me. I donít think he can. I talk to him anyways. I have a cat, too. I named her after you. Her name is Judy. She is my friend. She likes to eat cat food. One time she scratched me. But that is ok because it did not hurt that much.

You have pretty eyes. They sparkle and glimmer in the lights. I like to look at them. I can tell that you are very smart because of your eyes. I want to gaze into them. The eyes are the windows to the soul. Your soul must be very beautiful because that is what your eyes are. I donít want you to cry because then your eyes will swell up with tears and they will not be as pretty. Please do not cry, Judge Judy. I am here for you.

I want to marry you. I know that you are already married, but I do not think that will stand in the way of true love. We will live together in a big house. We will be happy all the time because we will be in love. We will dance under the moonlight. I want to hold you in my arms. Please do not think I am creepy. I am not creepy. I know many things. I know most of all that we are destined to be together. We are soul mates. Please do not interfere with Godís plan. God works in mysterious ways. Please write back soon. I have to go now.

Yours truly,