June 30, 2006


  • I watched a Felix the Cat cartoon in which he goes to outer space (“I like to travel, but this is ridiculous!!!”) and for some reason people hold celebrations with signs that say “RAY FOR FELIX”
  • Jed Kirchner hasn’t updated in a long time and I e-mailed him asking if he had died and he never replied
  • I kind of want to make a biopic of an offensive figure like the Piss Christ artist or maybe the South Park guys just so I could use the White Stripes’ “Offend In Every Way” for the end credits
  • I originally formulated this Truman Show fake-rant for this site but then I figured it might work in message board thread form so I changed a bunch of stuff around and posted it. If you are looking for it, you can find it in the Comedy Goldmine
  • I don’t know which ad campaign I hate more, Apple’s “I’m a PC and I can only do pie charts!/And I’m a Mac and only I can do fun stuff like looking at photos or listening to music” or Microsoft’s “if you still use earlier versions of Office, you might as well be living in the Stone Age!!!”

  • Norman Y. Mineta, U.S. Secretary of Transportation and wisecracking robot sidekick in Colin Powell Space Patrol announced his retirement last week
June 26, 2006

Are you telling me you built a time machine? Out of a Delorean?
The guy Wilson from “Home Improvement” died? Maybe his casket will hide the lower half of his face ha ha! Rodney Dangerfield? I bet he’s not getting any respect in heaven ho ho ho! Johnny Carson, Richard Pryor, the milk you just drank this morning: *opens envelope* “Name three things that expired last year!” Hey-oh! Now you can be “That Guy” at parties and social occasions who always has some oh-so-witty one-liner to say when a beloved celebrity dies and beat ’em to the punch with this handy list I whipped up of Jokes to Say When A Celebrity Dies!

June 25, 2006
North Korea

They’re going to bomb Tomorrowland
June 22, 2006

Mallard Fillmore Watch

Good news, everybody! It turns out all that global warming nonsense is just a myth perpetuated by the liberal media!

Also of note is the subtle equivalence of today’s media with turn-of-the-century yellow journalism.

June 14, 2006

I'm Charles Foster Kane!

I got a deck of playing cards with pictures of presidents on them and Grover Cleveland is in it twice

I am also Charles Foster Kane!

June 12, 2006

Toucan Sam, you're my main man
What’s the deal with those cheap Malt-O-Meal cereal knockoffs that come in bags that they have at the grocery store?

“Sorry kids I couldn’t afford Froot Loops so I got you a bag of some Fruity O’s that has a cheap Toucan Sam knock-off on it”

June 6, 2006


June 3, 2006

  • Here’s a gallery of artwork drawn by patients at an insane asylum it’s pretty cool so check it out!!!
  • If you don’t have four hours to see Gone With The Wind, please see my concise 10-second summary!
  • If I had money I’d pay that Brandon Bird guy to paint me a picture of Edgar Stiles from 24 happily eating some chocolate cake at his CTU console or, better yet, a surprise party in CTU with all the agents eating cake and wearing funny hats