obama ain’t got shit on me

oh shut up

homeboy gives a good speech

but can he lead the nation through infinite crises… yeah thats what i thought

you ain’t done shit neither dogg

you just ring me up and go “yo jack kill these suckas”

hang on im getting another 3 am phone call

2:59:57
2:59:58
2:59:59
3:00:00

I haven’t been following the Eliot Spitzer scandal because I find it frighteningly dull. It lacks the sheer hilarity of the Mark Foley scandal, as well as the comical nuances of Larry Craig’s vigorous insistence that it was all just a series of unfortunate Larry David-esque misunderstandings. Nevertheless, when I found this midi file, my thoughts immediately turned to the governor for some reason. Please enjoy this multimedia tribute to Eliot Spitzer, which I’m sure won’t feel totally dated in three months’ time.

Why isn’t Simba’s daughter from the end of The Lion King included in the Disney Princesses line?

That’s some straight-up bullshit

PRODUCTS I’D LIKE TO SEE

• A Che Guevara t-shirt where instead of Che it has Nancy
• An ant farm resembling an office
• A Doomsday Clock, either physical or in widget form
• The following Ben & Jerry’s ice cream flavors: Jon Sherbet, Keith Olbermandarin Chocolate, Sren Kookies’n’Kream, Peachy Nietzsche, Baracky Road, Jean-Luc Pecan, Speaker of the House Nancy (S)Pumoni
• A Richard Nixon plush toy

In September 2005, the Detroit Free Press published an article consisting of twelve cartoons depicting the unobstructed face of Wilson Wilson, Tim Taylor’s eccentric neighbor from the hit TV show Home Improvement. This move outraged The Church of More Power, a self-described religious cult of Home Improvement fanatics, which considers any unobstructed depiction of Wilson’s face blasphemous. The Church sent a strongly-worded letter to Governor Jennifer Granholm, urging her to publicly denounce the cartoons, but Granholm declared that “the freedom of expression has a wide scope… the Michigan government has no means of influencing the press.” Angered by what they perceived to be a smear campaign against sitcom fanatics, members of The Church set fire to the offices of the Detroit Free Press and the governor’s mansion, leading to statewide riots. Stars of Home Improvement, including Tim Allen, Richard Karn and Jonathan Taylor Thomas, held a joint press conference denouncing the violence and calling for peace. Soon afterward, Church leaders sat down with state officials and the two groups reached a mutual agreement whereby a small area of Detroit would be annexed into the sovereign nation of Binfordia.

Historical Fun Facts Archive

NOTICE: I’m going to try to fix some of the technological Blogger quirks that have been annoying me today. This is going to take some time. Things might not be working for a while. Apologies in advance in case I accidentally delete the site.

12:23 AM: Blogger interpreted “create a new page for each monthly archive” as “create five new pages”

12:27 AM: No idea what this means: /www/www/2006_11_01_archive.html org.apache.commons.net.ftp.FTPConnectionClosedException: Connection closed without indication.

12:31 AM: oh hey is does terminal got

12:44 AM: Up to six now. Christ

12:53 AM: I changed the template but it didn’t republish any pages

1:07 AM: This isn’t working. I’m going to bed, maybe things will work better tomorrow

6:16 PM: Oh hey! Almost forgot about this

6:52 PM: Everything appears to be in order. I am going to fix the archives index page now.

7:04 PM: Our long national nightmare is over.

Here’s what’s different: Everything – this page you’re looking at now, the archive pages, the index page – is in the same directory now. This means if you’re reading this in an RSS reader it will actually link to the post instead of a 404 page. Also the dates on each post are now permalinks so you can link to posts now. I’m sure all of this really means a lot to you.

TWO THOUGHTS ON WEB 1.0

• Former top web browser Netscape is going away, which is probably a move five years overdue. Nevertheless, it represents the final death knell for “web 1.0.” My earliest memories of the Internet are interwined with Netscape. In elementary school they’d take us to the computer lab, not only to play Oregon Trail, but also to make us “click on the big N” (I don’t think they ever referred to programs by name) to go to Yahooligans so we could do some “research” or something. A year or two ago, I was trying out a bunch of different browsers to figure out which one was the best for me and I downloaded Netscape for nostalgia purposes, but it turned out to be the worst browser in the universe. Good riddance.
• I found this Simpsons site the other day. I dig all the little pixellated pictures on this site. The thing I like about sites like this are their utter sincerity. All you needed back in those days was a handful of <font> and <br> tags and bam, you had a webpage. There’s something romantic about that.