yo dog i got a new plotline. u in?

shh theyre about to announce the winner of the best dead joker award

dog we got like 15 more episodes to do, lets go

cesar romero??? this is fucking bullshit

12:57:57
12:57:58
12:57:59
12:58:00

_{listen to socks meow or read a transcript}

When I was in elementary school I wrote a letter to the White House asking if they had any Socks the Cat slammers which, thank god, I never sent. I’m not really sure why I thought that the executive branch would have slammers, let alone slammers emblazoned with the image of the president’s cat, but I guess I just assumed that if Knott’s Berry Farm had pogs, surely the White House would too.

Now that I think about it, Socks was basically my entry into the world of government and poltics. Everybody rags on the inanity of the White House’s annual “Barney Cam,” which featured Bush’s dog Barney getting into wacky misadventures during the holidays, but that kind of thing is important to a kid. It humanizes the president, who is otherwise just another boring guy on TV.

REST IN PEACE SOCKS THE CAT

PARTIAL TRACKLIST FOR WEIRD AL YANKOVIC’S NEXT ALBUM

01. La Obama {Richie Valens} 03. I Kissed Al Gore (And I Liked It) {Katy Perry} 04. Poked on the Facebook Part I {R. Kelly} 07. 4 8 15 16 23 42 (aka the Lost song) {Feist} 09. Supersizer {Britney Spears} 10. Hunting Moose {TV on the Radio} 12. Viva Gordita {Coldplay}

BREAKING NEWS FROM THE WORLD OF HOLLYWOOD!!!

The Rubik’s Cube is now the last remaining item from the 1980s without a movie based on it

WEEKLY FONT ANNOUNCEMENT

In a surprise move, the Illinois State Senate has just voted to ban the use of the Chicago typeface within state borders.

I tried adding some more things to the rotating text that’s supposed to be at the top of this page and then it stopped working altogether so from now on I will never try to change anything ever again thanks JavaScript

^{“Shit’s getting way too complicated for me.” –}