September 30, 2009
roger control, all status goSo, apparently they are updating Star Tours and scrapping the current movie for some podracing bullshit?!? Now, I’m not really a Star Wars fanatic, but what the shit??? Star Tours is the first and still the greatest simulator ride (The Back to the Future and Star Trek rides can suck it). It has one of the best waiting-in-line experiences, where you get to listening to a bunch of robots talk to you. You get to help blow up the Death Star even though this supposedly takes place after Return of the Jedi. There’s a goddamn robot voiced by Pee-Wee Herman! Hey Disneyland: don’t mess with greatness.

Since I haven’t been to Disneyland in five years, I kind of went on a nostaligia binge and tried to find as many Star tours videos and information as possible (although none of the videos feature the little video-message screen on the right. Someone please get on this, stat) This is the highest-quality video out there, as far as I know. If you’ve never been on it, imagine that someone is shaking your chair, kids are screaming, and there’s a robot voiced by Pee-Wee Herman in front of you. I also found this great fansite dedicated to Star Tours and they have a transcript of the whole damn thing. Before this I never understood why in the world we were suddenly blowing up the Death Star. Turns out it’s because one of the X-wing guys tells Red 24 to cover him and the robot pilot, RX-24, mistakes it for his own name. NOW IT MAKES SENSE.

I was livid when I heard about the new Star Tours, but after thinking about it over the past couple weeks, I’m kind of cautiously optimistic about it. I mean, it can’t all be podracing right? Who knows, maybe it won’t suck??


September 27, 2009

la reincarnazione di maggie by joseph cavalieri updated

I was going to watch the season premiere and the first episode of The Cleveland Show (I also watched the first episode of The Jay Leno Show because I’m a glutton for punishment), but the audio was all weird and distorted like the mindmeld scene in Star Trek. Divine intervention?

Also, why is FX the only channel that actually broadcasts HD correctly so that widescreen stuff shows up with black bars on my 25 year old TV?

September 25, 2009
  • pigglit – social news
  • Tiggr – photo sharing, social news, microblogging, tumblelogging, or URL shortening (as
  • woozl – one-item-per-day retail site or search engine (as woozle)
  • kanga – blog publishing system
  • roo – internet TV service?
  • hun.ny – video site, URL shortening service
September 22, 2009

Did y’all watch the Oscars Sunday night??? What a show! In case you missed it, here’s my recap, adapted from Twitter:

5:02 PM: The opening musical number is just footage from the Beijing Olympics opening ceremony???

5:05 PM: Host George Clooney looks haggard and tired… doesn’t look like he’s shaved in weeks…

5:13 PM: It looks like Megan Fox is wearing a dirty old tablecloth??

5:18 PM: Best Supporting Actress goes to Uhura’s green alien roommate from Star Trek!

5:23 PM: Best Original Screenplay goes to Tucker Max for Julie and Julia!

5:25 PM: Best Adapted Screenplay went to David Mamet for The McLaughlin Group: The Movie

5:39 PM: Up, Ponyo and Coraline lose Best Animated Feature to dark horse candidate Glenn Martin, DDS: The Movie

5:43 PM: Best Animated Short goes to Mameshiba 3 (peanut)

5:54 PM: Musical montage: “A Salute To Sequels”

6:02 PM: George Clooney is passed out???

6:09 PM: Best Fart Direction: Inglourious Assturds

6:14 PM: Best Cinematography goes to Michael J. Fox for District 9. Congrats, Mike!

6:25 PM: Holy shit! The academy just revoked the 2006 Best Picture Oscar for Crash and gave it to Capote!

6:28 PM: A musical salute to puppets in film

6:34 PM: Steve Buscemi just slipped and fell on his way to the podium and co-presenter Chloe Sevigny is just laughing at him

6:36 PM: Best Supporting Actor goes to Daniel Day-Lewis for his performance as Hamster #3 in G-Force

6:45 PM: Presenter Steven Seagal is illiterate and can’t read the envelope???

6:47 PM: Best Documentary goes to Gary Hustwit for Futura MT Condensed Bold

6:50 PM: Posthumous Oscar for Michael Jackson’s performance in Captain E.O.

6:56 PM: Best Editing goes to the first 12 hours of Che

7:00 PM: Special one-hour “In Memoriam” montage

8:05 PM: Paul Blart: Garde d’un centre commercial wins Best Foreign Language Film

8:12 PM: Best Director goes to Bobcat Goldthwait for World’s Best Dad

8:14 PM: Goldthwait is accepting the award in character as the rabbit puppet from Unhappily Ever After

8:21 PM: Best Actress goes to Tyler Perry for Madea Goes to Jail

8:30 PM: Somehow Michael Cera was nominated five times in the Best Actor category??

8:40 PM: Watchmen wins Best Picture; during acceptance speech “Zack Synder” rips off mask, reveals self to have been Alan Moore all along

September 19, 2009
wolf on jeopardy

September 17, 2009
For the first 2½ years of this site, I used to update this thing by just manually editing an HTML file (two, actually), which in retrospect was COMPLETELY FUCKING INSANE, before switching to Blogger to make things a billion times easier. Well, I finally got around to uploading all those old posts – yes, even the embarrassing ones! – into Blogger, for the sake of consistency, and updated the archives accordingly. For the record, there has been some very minor editing here and there, i.e. this post is no longer dated “February 30th” because apparently that’s an ILLEGAL POST DATE. Also, you may have noticed that I am now talking in the Verdana font, which I believe adds more timbre to my words.
September 16, 2009


September 14, 2009
are you crazy about swayze?
September 13, 2009


Wow I can’t believe the producers of District 9 managed to get all those special effects on a shoestring budget of only thirty million dollars!!!


September 12, 2009

pedroIn honor of Jay Leno’s upcoming new show, please enjoy these 11 new Hog & Dogs!

For an explanation of #215 (“Get Your Jamba Juice On”) please read this article

Someone named Pedro sent me this fanart a while ago. Thanks Pedro!

The pictures section is all different lookin’ now

September 9, 2009

4:55PM: Everybody’s just standing around, asking each other “Where’s Barack?” and shrugging their shoulders

4:58PM: Nancy Pelosi is wearing red in support of communist healthcare

5:02PM: All the lights just turned off!!! Now a bunch of lasers are going crazy! WtF??

5:03PM: Holy shit!!! Obama just came up via trap door like a pro wrestler or something! Smoke machines are working overtime!!!

5:06PM: Everybody is choking from the smoke

5:07PM: Hang on while I find a picture for this bad boy

5:09PM: Let’s see if that worked

5:15PM: Hey Blogger stop fucking up everything

5:17PM: What the heck is Obama wearing?? Looks like a wizard’s robe??

5:19PM: “I am determined to be the last president.” Yikes! Sounds like Obama’s sending America to the death panel!

5:22PM: Hahaha, some guy in front of the podium is just straight up twittering right in front of the president!

5:26PM: oh wait that’s the stenographer or whatever

5:28PM: Obama’s just doing magic tricks for some reason??

5:31PM: Biden and Pelosi are like the mommy and daddy of America
hi everybody

5:33PM: I have to admit, pulling a rabbit out of a hat is pretty cliche, but it never fails to amaze me.

5:36PM: Wow, he managed to tweet during his own speech! Amazing, amazing!

5:38PM: “I do not want to kill old people” *CROWD APPLAUDS WILDLY, GIVES A STANDING OVATION*

5:39PM: What the?? Just saw Ted Kennedy?? What’s going on here??

5:41PM: Just zoomed in on Pelosi’s digital watch… THIS THING WAS PRE-TAPED!!!!

5:44PM: Holy shit! Obama just disappeared!

5:45PM: He just appeared in the balcony! How’d he do that??

5:46PM: Hehe, Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi wore the same outfit. How embarrassing!

5:47PM: Haha, every male elected official in the room wore the same outfit! Embarrassment times a thousand!

5:48PM: Exceptions: Obama (wizard’s robe), Senator McCain (t-shirt and shorts), Senator Grassley (Roman tunic), Biden (nothing)

5:49PM: Obama is about to zipline back to the main podium!

5:51PM: He hit a snag in the middle and now hes just danging there, high above the crowd

5:53PM: Why is nobody helping him down???

5:58PM: All the Representatives are climbing on each others’ shoulders to create a human ladder to get him down. Good to see bi-partisanship in action

6:01PM: Dennis Kuchinich is on top but he’s just a few inches too short to reach Obama!!!

6:03PM: Everybody just fell down and now they’re writhing in pain!!!

6:05PM: Obama is crawling back to the podium, determined to finish his speech…

6:08PM: “I SUPPORT A STRONG PUBIC OPTION.” Looks like somebody messed with the teleprompter! Biden snickers.

6:09PM: Now he’s just reciting a bunch of random words with no apparent rhyme or reason. “Government apple tree zeppelin healthcare twitter insurance boxcar cardboard alligator elevator America”

6:13PM: Looks like he’s winding up. Biden just fell asleep. Pelosi is writing on his forehead with a magic marker.

6:15PM: “Thank you, and God bless the U.S.S.R!” Ooh, massive blunder!

6:18PM: He’s stepping over a bunch of congressmen still writhing on the ground as he exits. Step over them, not on them, Mr. President!

6:20PM: Now for the Republican response.

6:23PM: Rep. Ron Paul says he’s totally in favor of the death panels, he just wants to see them come from the private sector.

6:27PM: Welp, that’s it, thanx 4 reading! Imma add some more pictures to this later.

September 8, 2009
hill street news
Another new Anthropomorphic Republican Talking Duck???
September 5, 2009
ted's dead, baby
New Anthropomorphic Republican Talking Duck