September 22, 2009

Did y’all watch the Oscars Sunday night??? What a show! In case you missed it, here’s my recap, adapted from Twitter:

5:02 PM: The opening musical number is just footage from the Beijing Olympics opening ceremony???

5:05 PM: Host George Clooney looks haggard and tired… doesn’t look like he’s shaved in weeks…

5:13 PM: It looks like Megan Fox is wearing a dirty old tablecloth??

5:18 PM: Best Supporting Actress goes to Uhura’s green alien roommate from Star Trek!

5:23 PM: Best Original Screenplay goes to Tucker Max for Julie and Julia!

5:25 PM: Best Adapted Screenplay went to David Mamet for The McLaughlin Group: The Movie

5:39 PM: Up, Ponyo and Coraline lose Best Animated Feature to dark horse candidate Glenn Martin, DDS: The Movie

5:43 PM: Best Animated Short goes to Mameshiba 3 (peanut)

5:54 PM: Musical montage: “A Salute To Sequels”

6:02 PM: George Clooney is passed out???

6:09 PM: Best Fart Direction: Inglourious Assturds

6:14 PM: Best Cinematography goes to Michael J. Fox for District 9. Congrats, Mike!

6:25 PM: Holy shit! The academy just revoked the 2006 Best Picture Oscar for Crash and gave it to Capote!

6:28 PM: A musical salute to puppets in film

6:34 PM: Steve Buscemi just slipped and fell on his way to the podium and co-presenter Chloe Sevigny is just laughing at him

6:36 PM: Best Supporting Actor goes to Daniel Day-Lewis for his performance as Hamster #3 in G-Force

6:45 PM: Presenter Steven Seagal is illiterate and can’t read the envelope???

6:47 PM: Best Documentary goes to Gary Hustwit for Futura MT Condensed Bold

6:50 PM: Posthumous Oscar for Michael Jackson’s performance in Captain E.O.

6:56 PM: Best Editing goes to the first 12 hours of Che

7:00 PM: Special one-hour “In Memoriam” montage

8:05 PM: Paul Blart: Garde d’un centre commercial wins Best Foreign Language Film

8:12 PM: Best Director goes to Bobcat Goldthwait for World’s Best Dad

8:14 PM: Goldthwait is accepting the award in character as the rabbit puppet from Unhappily Ever After

8:21 PM: Best Actress goes to Tyler Perry for Madea Goes to Jail

8:30 PM: Somehow Michael Cera was nominated five times in the Best Actor category??

8:40 PM: Watchmen wins Best Picture; during acceptance speech “Zack Synder” rips off mask, reveals self to have been Alan Moore all along