September 9, 2009

4:55PM: Everybody’s just standing around, asking each other “Where’s Barack?” and shrugging their shoulders

4:58PM: Nancy Pelosi is wearing red in support of communist healthcare

5:02PM: All the lights just turned off!!! Now a bunch of lasers are going crazy! WtF??

5:03PM: Holy shit!!! Obama just came up via trap door like a pro wrestler or something! Smoke machines are working overtime!!!

5:06PM: Everybody is choking from the smoke

5:07PM: Hang on while I find a picture for this bad boy

5:09PM: Let’s see if that worked

5:15PM: Hey Blogger stop fucking up everything

5:17PM: What the heck is Obama wearing?? Looks like a wizard’s robe??

5:19PM: “I am determined to be the last president.” Yikes! Sounds like Obama’s sending America to the death panel!

5:22PM: Hahaha, some guy in front of the podium is just straight up twittering right in front of the president!

5:26PM: oh wait that’s the stenographer or whatever

5:28PM: Obama’s just doing magic tricks for some reason??

5:31PM: Biden and Pelosi are like the mommy and daddy of America
hi everybody

5:33PM: I have to admit, pulling a rabbit out of a hat is pretty cliche, but it never fails to amaze me.

5:36PM: Wow, he managed to tweet during his own speech! Amazing, amazing!

5:38PM: “I do not want to kill old people” *CROWD APPLAUDS WILDLY, GIVES A STANDING OVATION*

5:39PM: What the?? Just saw Ted Kennedy?? What’s going on here??

5:41PM: Just zoomed in on Pelosi’s digital watch… THIS THING WAS PRE-TAPED!!!!

5:44PM: Holy shit! Obama just disappeared!

5:45PM: He just appeared in the balcony! How’d he do that??

5:46PM: Hehe, Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi wore the same outfit. How embarrassing!

5:47PM: Haha, every male elected official in the room wore the same outfit! Embarrassment times a thousand!

5:48PM: Exceptions: Obama (wizard’s robe), Senator McCain (t-shirt and shorts), Senator Grassley (Roman tunic), Biden (nothing)

5:49PM: Obama is about to zipline back to the main podium!

5:51PM: He hit a snag in the middle and now hes just danging there, high above the crowd

5:53PM: Why is nobody helping him down???

5:58PM: All the Representatives are climbing on each others’ shoulders to create a human ladder to get him down. Good to see bi-partisanship in action

6:01PM: Dennis Kuchinich is on top but he’s just a few inches too short to reach Obama!!!

6:03PM: Everybody just fell down and now they’re writhing in pain!!!

6:05PM: Obama is crawling back to the podium, determined to finish his speech…

6:08PM: “I SUPPORT A STRONG PUBIC OPTION.” Looks like somebody messed with the teleprompter! Biden snickers.

6:09PM: Now he’s just reciting a bunch of random words with no apparent rhyme or reason. “Government apple tree zeppelin healthcare twitter insurance boxcar cardboard alligator elevator America”

6:13PM: Looks like he’s winding up. Biden just fell asleep. Pelosi is writing on his forehead with a magic marker.

6:15PM: “Thank you, and God bless the U.S.S.R!” Ooh, massive blunder!

6:18PM: He’s stepping over a bunch of congressmen still writhing on the ground as he exits. Step over them, not on them, Mr. President!

6:20PM: Now for the Republican response.

6:23PM: Rep. Ron Paul says he’s totally in favor of the death panels, he just wants to see them come from the private sector.

6:27PM: Welp, that’s it, thanx 4 reading! Imma add some more pictures to this later.