May 24, 2011

i want to thank you for killing bin laden

oh…. uh…. thanks

it… it wasnt me though…. it was my half-brother jeff….

youre mumbling i cant understand a thing youre saying

anyway america is hella safe now and its all thanks to you. this has been the most important counter-terrorism operation in the past decade… hell maybe even the past century

dont remind me

yep… now we can finally start winding down our wars… we won’t need all this national security apparatus anymore… starting today we’re dismantling all our wiretapping programs

but… but… how am i going to read my neighbors sexts

ctu will be consolidated into the epa and focus on saving the environment

oh dear god

and finally we’re turning all our torture dungeons into public schools

this is not happening this is not happening

once again, the nation is in your debt. thank you for your service. goodbye *click*