December 31, 2012


I’ve been very sick today. Lots of vomiting and other surprises. One last punch in the gut courtesy of The Year From Hell. I was going to wait ’til tomorrow to post this because of the number symmetry, but I’d really just like to get 2012 out of the way forever


diagramming “Epic Mitt Romney App Gaffe Goes Viral Online”

I feel like this is a manifesto of sorts of everything I had about the modern internet. I feared for the day presidential campaigns become based around stupid internet memes, which ended up happening just three months later


Horse_ebooks campaign speech

This was pretty popular! It took me about two nights to assemble if I remember correctly. There is no complete @Horse_ebooks archive (everything before July 2011 appears lost to the ages), but this helped a lot, and I had to scroll down the Twitter page for like an hour or two (I probably sound like George Jetson…) to get a more recent archive. I wouldn’t say it was extraordinarily difficult – the fact that I had a theme definitely helped – but I don’t think I’d ever be able to do something like that again.



Romneyduke, the dog running for president who’s also Mitt Romney somehow! I think I couldn’t sleep one night and just did this instead. My personal favorite is the Newsweek one.


Ten Simpsons Episodes That Never Were

I think most sites just reposted the list, but only I, Simpsons turbonerd, could do it justice by giving it context. Bill Oakley, the former producer who posted the list in first place, linked to it with a glowing recommendation, which adds another merit badge to my Simpsons nerd sash of honorshame.



It took two years but that list finally got finished


Google I/O 2012 Liveblog

I just want to state for the record that I planned out the stuff about Google Cube the night before and had no knowledge of the Nexus Q


I skimmed through some of my old tweets but didn’t see any worth mentioning here

Well that’s it. I have to go throw up now. See you in 2013

December 31, 2012

Mallard Fillmore Watch


Right on, Mallard! We don’t want any daytime tv viewers mucking things up for the rest of us! The gears of democracy are too sacred to be entrusted to people like th-



*record scratch*

December 31, 2012
ceo mike jackson

Some rich guy paid money to broadcast his thoughts about the weather confused

December 28, 2012
nancy rival 3nancy rival 1
nancy rival 2

(via the great nancy blog, nancy is happy scans)

I love Nancy’s rival and Nancy’s downright hostile treatment of her

I don’t know what her name is, though

December 26, 2012

(lightly edited for clarity)

  • Ben Wyatt from Parks & Recreation chases after a dog who has stolen a bag of styrofoam containers and taken them into a Cambodian restaurant. It turns out to be this huge scam where the owner just steals food from other restaurants and serves them to his customers. One of the containers is opened. It’s a gift, for me??? It’s a stuffed worm.
  • We’re cops in this crazy cartoon town. I think we are dogs?
  • Sleep. We’re like Fisher Price people now. When you’re asleep an overlay over your body indicates to the cook (who I guess watches you sleep???) how many waffles you want for breakfast.
  • laughing at the concept of carls jr having an officially licensed James Bond tie-in soda.
  • Nightmare where all my fingers started coming part
  • Surprise immigration raid at Knott’s Berry Farm. Everyone – everyone – had to go to a hotel in Mexico for a night.
  • Batman refuses to use his left hand,
December 17, 2012
Calvin & Hobbes bored awake

Last night I dreamed that I was reading Dilbert. Not dreaming that I was Dilbert, or having an adventure in the Dilbertverse, either of which would’ve been vastly more exciting, just reading Dilbert. Specifically, a series of strips in which Dilbert tries to search the newly-created World Wide Web for “pork” or “pie” (not sure which, it was some food item starting with “p”) but keeps getting bad results. I remember thinking “huh, I didn’t know they had captchas in 1995. Weird.”

December 15, 2012

When I was in preschool one of the first things the teachers told us was that if we heard gunshots we should get on the ground

Pretty soon that will become commonplace because the world is an awful place

December 14, 2012

Jokes are cancelled today

December 10, 2012

Speaking of Wienerschnitzel, I signed up for Pinterest because why not. I think I vowed never to learn what it was, so that’s out the window now. Let’s be pin pals!

When you sign up, they throw a bunch of pictures at you and ask you to like five of them. If there was an option to skip this step I sure didn’t see it. Afterwards, it forces you to follow 50 random people based on the pictures you chose. And of course there’s no option to unfollow them en masse, so you have to go through and click “unfollow” 50 times. I hate suggested user lists and this just takes my hatred to the next level.

December 10, 2012

Seeing this pog on Mike Sterling’s POGressive Ruin rejiggered whatever part of my brain stores childhood memories of obscure fast food mascots

Circa 1994 Wienerschnitzel had a small group of kids meal characters (kinda like the Burger King Kids Club I guess), each one associated with a different food item. There was this reptile girl (iguana? lizard? gecko? dinosaur?) whose defining characteristic was her love for french fries. I don’t remember the other characters. Oh wait I think one was a weasel? I’ve searched the internet in vain. It’s like they never even existed at all… I guess they were eventually replaced with “The Food Dudes” who starred in their own books.

I won’t give up in my quest to find these characters… I still believe…

December 8, 2012

zollBeen having trouble sleeping lately so I ended up doing a minor redesign of Tech News Rumor Insider. It’s a little more versatile so I can alternate between wordier posts with the ones that are just headlines more freely without worrying if its going to screw up multiple columns. I made some CSS tweaks so I can do neat stuff like this. Plus, there’s a few new features

December 4, 2012
birthday blingee

I’d forgotten that I’d registered a Blingee account… this awesome birthday e-card they sent me yesterday made it more than worthwhile