Headlines I Would Write If I Were A Movie Critic For The Entertainment Section of a Newspaper


Jarhead Sure To "Bottle Up" Oscars!

Harry Potter Conjures Up Some Family Fun

Polar Express A Trainwreck

Don't Rent Rent

Chicken Little Big Fun!

Ice Harvest Blossoms Into Something Magnificent. Wait, Can Harvests Blossom? I'm Not Sure

Derailed Also A Trainwreck

Don't See Saw II

You'll Go Ape For King Kong! (alternatively: You'll Go Bananas For King Kong!)

Walk The Line Walks The Down The Line To Pick Up A Few Oscar Nominations or Johnny Cash Flick Sure To Make Lots of Cash (At The Box Office)

Brokeback Mountain Sure To "Break" The Box Office Because A Lot Of People Will Go See It And It Will Be Really Popular, Thereby Metaphorically "Breaking" The Box Office Goddammit This Is Hard